Sunday, December 20, 2009

Here Is mY First Interview


AL: Hey dude, thanks for agreeing to this. So silly, right?

AL: My pleasure--you got me on my lunch break, so I'm down.

AL: Rock.

AL: Totally. Let's do it, yeah? How do we start?

AL: I'll just throw something random out there. You live in an apartment in New York City, home of the Yankees. A-Rod or Jeter?

AL: Um, I would say either both or neither. Depending on whether or not they're playing.

AL: I hear you.

AL: ...

AL: So, the New Year is coming up soon, 2010--got any resolutions?

AL: I'll do my best not to write '09 as the year when I fill out forms with sections for the month, day and year. I have bad habit of writing the last year for most of the next year. It always takes me a good 11 or 12 months to get used to writing the new one. Which has been a bit of a vicious circle-type problem for me. Last year my resolution was to call this decade the "aughts" instead of the "shoulda-coulda's". That's what I almost called the 90's, but I decided that I wasn't mature enough then to have the wherewithal to know whether or not I should have or could have done something different from what I was choosing to do. But in the shoul--I mean, the "aughts", I have been of a wise enough age to know whether or not something is worth doing. However, after calling them the "shoulda-coulda's" for the last few years, I've realized I've been getting really down on myself and living with a hefty load of remorse. Didn't really want to go into the 10's with that kind of emotional baggage. So yeah, while the "aughts" still has that tinge of regret, it is a little easier to just toss off, you know, and then look forward. What are we going to call the 10's? The teens? What about the "We'll-see-after-2012's"? You know... we just don't know what'll happen.

AL: Change is hard, eh?

AL: Yeah, most change tends to be small; coins for me, mostly. I tend to carry just a little cash in my wallet, mostly singles and a twenty or so. So I get a lot of change. I like the pants with the little change-slot above the right pocket, so when I do get change, it doesn't rattle all around, warning people I'm coming around the corner. I hate that. I wish people would be more surprised to see me coming around the corner. Sort of like personal entrance music. That way I'd have this perpetual atmosphere of surprise surrounding me, as if people would see me turn a corner and think, "Wow! He's here!" As if I were repeatedly defying people's expectations of my imminent mortality. You know? Like, every time they see me, they think, "Didn't know if he was going to make it, but since he is, I'm relieved and happy and my day will most likely go generally pretty darn well. Man! I sure am glad HE'S just arrived." And then from there who knows where things might go! It'd get pretty sweet, you know, like I could get asked out on a date, or be offered a small box of imported Belgian truffles (the chocolate kind, not the fancy root hunted by pigs), or, you know, just a really solid high-five. Since they're so happy to see me.

But yeah, I dig coins. Change is hard, but it gets your laundry done, you know?

AL: ...

AL: ...?

AL: ...

AL: ...

AL: Hm. You sleep, yeah?

AL: I mean, I've been doing a lot of reading, but yeah, I guess.

AL: And is it true you've been seeing someone?

AL: I've been seeing a lot of people lately. It's a pretty populated city. I live right over an entrance to a subway, so I see a pretty good amount of people every day. Plus, my job forces me to go to work, so that helps get people in my line of sight as well. Kind of nuts, yeah?

AL: [Laughing] Yeah, like Macadamia!

AL: [Laughing as well, but not sure why] Hehe, what?

AL: Macadamia nuts--you said kind of--

AL: [Interrupting, no longer laughing] Oh, I got it. Yeah. Macadamia nuts. Yeah.

AL: Yeah.

AL: Yeah.

AL: Well, this was awesome. Thanks so much, and good luck with whatever is next!

AL: Finishing my lunch break in peace and silence?

AL: ...

AL: ...

AL: Yeah, I guess so. Thanks!

AL: You're welcome. [Whispering something unintelligible under his breath]

AL: What's that?

AL: I said "chuckin' brick." I was thinking of working out later and throwing some mortar. Some cement, some bricks. Chucking Brick. It's an antiquated form of exercise, but it does the job. Really into antiquated exercise right now. Really into it. Antiquated exercise.

AL: Alright...

AL: Cool. Peace.

* * *

Adam Lerman is an actor, writer, thinker and personal-chef-to-himself. He lives in New York City. His subject, Adam Lerman, is also an actor, writer, thinker and personal-chef-to-himself. He also lives in New York City. Unlike at the end of this interview, he usually gets along with himself.